Inside Llewyn Davis (2013).
I’ve been watching my way through the Oscar movies and so far there aren’t a lot of animals in them. The worry is the only movie that will definitely have some farm animals in it is 12 Years As A Slave which I won’t be able to cover because come on. I’m going to feel like history’s greatest monster if I talk about the fates of the animals in the movie about the horrors of slavery.
Total Cats: Either 2 or 3.
Total Cats: Difficult to say! Minimum 1. I choose to assume 3.
I love every Coen Brothers movie. Also Adam Driver singing in this is perfection.
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013).
My sister kept calling this The Hungry Games. When I told here that’s what Sesame Street called its parody of the movies, she was pleased to find out she’s as clever as Cookie Monster.
Anyway, if you’re wondering if you should see this movie I feel this is a comprehensive review.
Total Mandrills: a bunch.
Surviving Mandrills: maybe like a couple? Actually ultimately probably zero, but you don’t see all of them die.
It sort of annoyed me that immediately after fighting these mandrills Catnip, Pita Bread and that other guy immediately went fishing. They just killed at least like four monkeys. Why not just use one of them for their sweet, sweet monkey meat?
New posts coming soon.
In the meantime, please revel in the glorious new avatar associated with this blog. I left it blank for a long time and finally decided it would be best represented by a movie featuring the most tragic fictional animal death of all, Turner and Hooch.
A THR investigation reveals accounts of animal injury, death, cover-up on huge Hollywood productions from “Life of Pi” to “The Hobbit” as the American Humane Association turns a blind eye.
Pretty upsetting news about real animals performing in movies. Be warned: features of a photo of a very dead horse. A harrowing bit of information about the American Humane Association.
Riddick: Rule The Dark (2013).
If you really love Vin Diesel, there’s always this tumblr chronicling one man’s descent into insanity as he watches every Vin Diesel movie in chronological order. It’s how I learned that Riddick’s first name is Richard. Richard Riddick!
Total Dog Alien (doglien?) Things: 1.
Surviving Doglien Things: 0.
The World’s End (2013).
My dad has been claiming the word “err,” which I’ve always heard pronounced “air,” is pronounced “urr” for years. This film suggests my extremely Southern dad is not wrong, just secretly English.
And wellity wellity well, if it isn’t our old friend Mr. Paddy Considine appearing in a non-horrifyingly-depressing movie. You know what that means: at least three more extremely upsetting films from him before he does a comedy again.
Total Goats: 1.
Surviving Goats: 1.
Kick-Ass 2 (2013).
I know people love Kick-Ass but jeez, Mark Millar. The jerkstore called, they’re running out of him.
Total Dogs: 1 (that I know of).
Surviving Dogs: 1 (apparently contrary to the content of the comic).
Lady Chatterley (1993).
This is a screenshot from my favorite part in this Lady Chatterley’s Lover adaptation in which Lady Chatterley, having recently been told by her paralyzed-from-the-waist-down husband she should bone other dudes if she’s up for it and having encountered Sean Bean once (one time is all it takes, ladies), has a very obvious dream in which her desire to bone dudes is symbolized by her riding on horseback down a path full of half-naked Morrisseys.
Also at one point she describes Sean Bean’s penis as both made of stars and a little god. LADIES.
Total Creatures: 1 cat, 2 dogs.
Surviving Creatures: 2 dogs.
I for one liked Lady Chatterley’s paralyzed husband. I also really liked Sam Neill in The Piano until he went nuts at the end. I guess what I’m saying is I like slightly dickish rubes.
Top of the Lake (2013).
Internet, I can’t tell you my favorite thing from this miniseries because it will spoil the ending. So instead I will say before I saw this I read a lot about it being compared to Twin Peaks and now that I’ve watched it I don’t understand that comparison, outside of that they both involve missing persons in a small town. Also Xena is in this very briefly.
Total Dogs: Lots and lots.
Surviving Dogs: One less than lots and lots.
Hatfields & McCoys (2012).
There are few characters I hate more than I hated Johnse Hatfield. What a dipshit.
Total Dogs: 1.
Surviving Dogs: 0.