A THR investigation reveals accounts of animal injury, death, cover-up on huge Hollywood productions from “Life of Pi” to “The Hobbit” as the American Humane Association turns a blind eye.
Pretty upsetting news about real animals performing in movies. Be warned: features of a photo of a very dead horse. A harrowing bit of information about the American Humane Association.
Riddick: Rule The Dark (2013).
If you really love Vin Diesel, there’s always this tumblr chronicling one man’s descent into insanity as he watches every Vin Diesel movie in chronological order. It’s how I learned that Riddick’s first name is Richard. Richard Riddick!
Total Dog Alien (doglien?) Things: 1.
Surviving Doglien Things: 0.
The World’s End (2013).
My dad has been claiming the word “err,” which I’ve always heard pronounced “air,” is pronounced “urr” for years. This film suggests my extremely Southern dad is not wrong, just secretly English.
And wellity wellity well, if it isn’t our old friend Mr. Paddy Considine appearing in a non-horrifyingly-depressing movie. You know what that means: at least three more extremely upsetting films from him before he does a comedy again.
Total Goats: 1.
Surviving Goats: 1.
Kick-Ass 2 (2013).
I know people love Kick-Ass but jeez, Mark Millar. The jerkstore called, they’re running out of him.
Total Dogs: 1 (that I know of).
Surviving Dogs: 1 (apparently contrary to the content of the comic).
Lady Chatterley (1993).
This is a screenshot from my favorite part in this Lady Chatterley’s Lover adaptation in which Lady Chatterley, having recently been told by her paralyzed-from-the-waist-down husband she should bone other dudes if she’s up for it and having encountered Sean Bean once (one time is all it takes, ladies), has a very obvious dream in which her desire to bone dudes is symbolized by her riding on horseback down a path full of half-naked Morrisseys.
Also at one point she describes Sean Bean’s penis as both made of stars and a little god. LADIES.
Total Creatures: 1 cat, 2 dogs.
Surviving Creatures: 2 dogs.
I for one liked Lady Chatterley’s paralyzed husband. I also really liked Sam Neill in The Piano until he went nuts at the end. I guess what I’m saying is I like slightly dickish rubes.
Top of the Lake (2013).
Internet, I can’t tell you my favorite thing from this miniseries because it will spoil the ending. So instead I will say before I saw this I read a lot about it being compared to Twin Peaks and now that I’ve watched it I don’t understand that comparison, outside of that they both involve missing persons in a small town. Also Xena is in this very briefly.
Total Dogs: Lots and lots.
Surviving Dogs: One less than lots and lots.
Hatfields & McCoys (2012).
There are few characters I hate more than I hated Johnse Hatfield. What a dipshit.
Total Dogs: 1.
Surviving Dogs: 0.
Asked by Anonymous
I tend to shy away from films where the dog’s survival is very important to the plot of the film. But I haven’t posted anything here in a while and someone asked, so I must answer!
Bad Moon (1996).
Ostensibly a family drama with werewolves in it. Also male frontal nudity!
Total Dogs Who Are Basically Family Members: 1.
Surviving Dogs Who Are Basically Family Members: it seems to be 1.
The dog does some fighting and certainly takes a few knocks and it looks like maybe his fate is a little ambiguous, but no clear death here.
The Bitter Buddha (2012).
The Eddie Pepitone documentary is finally available on VOD and iTunes! Hooray! Eddie Pepitone is fantastic.
Total Black and White Cats Wandering Peacefully As A Man Mutters Angrily At His Own Laptop: 4.
Surviving Black and White Cats Wandering Peacefully As A Man Mutters Angrily At His Own Laptop: 4.
"I hike with my cats. I eat alone on Saturday nights. I talk to the TV. I drink cocoa in bars. I am god, I am one." - Eddie Pepitone.
Misfits (2009 - ).
How dare this show not use my favorite Misfits song as its theme.
It’s Skins but funnier and with superpowers. I had very strong feelings about Evil Rudy, his evilness slightly signified by his love of the ukulele, on this show—after all, I am only a woman. Also I am forever trying to ignore upsetting news about racially-charged assaults committed by the actress who played my favorite character, Fucking Rocket Scientist Kelly.
Total Creatures: 1 mouse, 1 cat-zombie.
Surviving Creatures: 0 mice, 0 cat-zombies.
I feel like there were some dogs in this somewhere but I completely forgot about them. So…sorry for forgetting you if you existed, Fictional Dogs.