Asked by Anonymous
I tend to shy away from films where the dog’s survival is very important to the plot of the film. But I haven’t posted anything here in a while and someone asked, so I must answer!
Bad Moon (1996).
Ostensibly a family drama with werewolves in it. Also male frontal nudity!
Total Dogs Who Are Basically Family Members: 1.
Surviving Dogs Who Are Basically Family Members: it seems to be 1.
The dog does some fighting and certainly takes a few knocks and it looks like maybe his fate is a little ambiguous, but no clear death here.
The Bitter Buddha (2012).
The Eddie Pepitone documentary is finally available on VOD and iTunes! Hooray! Eddie Pepitone is fantastic.
Total Black and White Cats Wandering Peacefully As A Man Mutters Angrily At His Own Laptop: 4.
Surviving Black and White Cats Wandering Peacefully As A Man Mutters Angrily At His Own Laptop: 4.
“I hike with my cats. I eat alone on Saturday nights. I talk to the TV. I drink cocoa in bars. I am god, I am one.” - Eddie Pepitone.
Misfits (2009 - ).
How dare this show not use my favorite Misfits song as its theme.
It’s Skins but funnier and with superpowers. I had very strong feelings about Evil Rudy, his evilness slightly signified by his love of the ukulele, on this show—after all, I am only a woman. Also I am forever trying to ignore upsetting news about racially-charged assaults committed by the actress who played my favorite character, Fucking Rocket Scientist Kelly.
Total Creatures: 1 mouse, 1 cat-zombie.
Surviving Creatures: 0 mice, 0 cat-zombies.
I feel like there were some dogs in this somewhere but I completely forgot about them. So…sorry for forgetting you if you existed, Fictional Dogs.
I’m gonna go ahead and count this tweet from Chris Eaton of Rock Plaza Central fame as a celebrity endorsement.
Rock Plaza Central is great. They have an album about mechanical horses that believe they are real horses that got caught up in some sort of war between heaven and hell which I’m forever recommending to people. Better explanations exist possibly on the internet but my copy of the actual disc sleeve that explains things is in another state, so you’ll have to make do with my possibly terribly remembered version of the narrative. Their other album is also good but involves fewer horses.
Are We Not Horses? (2007).
Total Excellent Steel Horses: at least one narrating, potentially many more!
Surviving Excellent Steel Horses: honestly sort of unclear to me, but either way they’ve got a lot to be glad for.
House of Cards (2013).
Netflix’s second original series with every episode available at once, about Kevin Spacey being an evil politician rather than a lovable robot who is best friends with Sam Rockwell, which is my favorite Kevin Spacey role.
Total Dogs Within The First Five Minutes: 1.
Surviving Dogs Within The First Five Minutes: 0.
NOTE: I’ve got my best man on the case watching this show. He hasn’t finished but suspects there won’t be any more animals there are cause for worry about. I will amend things if anything new arises!
This Is England ‘88 (2011).
The exciting conclusion (unless another series is made)! This is no longer a This Is England fan blog!
Total Ian the Parrots: 1.
Surviving Ian the Parrots: 1. Although he doesn’t make as many appearances as I would have liked!
I thought the contrasting colors in the actor Steve Brody’s hair and mustache were a conscious choice for that show Life’s Too Short and was some kind of a joke about him having an obvious toupee. I guess one thing I’ve learned from This Is England is that that’s just how his hair looks.
This Is England ‘86 (2010).
I promised you! Hey: for a show with a pretty legitimately funny first episode, this sure got bleak. Somehow even bleaker than expected, despite basically setting itself up to be pretty bleak early on.
Total Parrots Apparently Named Ian: 1.
Surviving Parrots Apparently Named Ian: 1.
God, I hope Ian the Parrot makes a triumphant return in ‘88. I will be sincerely personally disappointed in Woody if his excellent parrot is suddenly gone.
This Is England (2006).
I am newly obsessed with This Is England so you’ll have that to look forward to once I get through ‘86 and assuming there’s another animal in ‘88, that too. P.S. If someone wants do that MTV I Want A Famous Face thing on me, I would like to look like 1986 Lol please. I’m sure you’ll hear more about that when I find out what happens to that parrot.
Also if any of you was a skinhead (non-racist type) I have so, so many questions for you.
Total Angry, Barking Alsatians Standing Atop Buildings Like Harbingers Of Things To Come: 1.
Surviving Angry, Barking Alsatians Standing Atop Buildings Like Harbingers Of Things To Come: 1.
For any superfans keeping track (I assume I have millions and millions of very quiet superfans): uncredited writing contributions from my favorite and yours Mr. Paddy Considine on this business! For every stunning comedy performance he gives, Paddy Considine must write and/or act in three somewhat bleak things. It is law.
Asked by Anonymous
Is this in reality or in the movie? I definitely don’t remember it happening in the movie but it’s been a while since I watched it (and when I did I watched it in pieces). Let me know (you or someone else) if it’s in the movie I will definitely amend the post to reflect this.
If it’s real life: yeah, that guy’s screwed up! Although I once saw some drawing of his being sold on that show Four Rooms and I definitely sort of liked it. His art is like the art of a psychopathic R. Crumb!
Zero Dark Thirty (2012).
This film brings up an extremely important debate relevant to the American people that has gone completely unaddressed by critics too distracted by whether this movie is condoning torture or not. And that debate is: did we decide if Osama or Usama was the most accurate transliteration?
Also there’s a weird amount of TV stars in this. Tony Soprano, Michael off of Lost, 1995 Lizzie Bennet, the Duplass brother that also acts, Betty Draper’s new husband Henry, Coach Taylor, Andy off of Parks and Recreation obviously, and most strange of all, John Barrowman.
Total Ice Cream Stealing Monkeys: 3.
Surviving Ice Cream Stealing Monkeys: 0.
There’s also a dog that is presumably fine. A Navy SEAL Dog! Navy Dog SEAL. Dog Navy SEAL. One of those.